a moment

here's a little ditty I wrote on the occasion of listening to people
chatter on;

who gives a fuck what that charlatan from nazareth said?

who gives a damn what the old text (almost completely rewritten by a british king and his monx on the payrole) says about life and how to live it?
It was written without water...it was inspired by a spiritual cancer.

It's not the followers...you see...it's not the new agers with their "everything is one" policy...it's the idea of dichotomy...of good and evil...that the nazarene was an annointed anything....

christianity is over. It was over before it started.

I'm not calling for violence

I'm calling for illumination

realize that christianity is a lie. monotheism is a lie. dichotomy is a lie...it's pretty simple.

Juggling for Corpses

Yesterday was warmer. Warm enough to walk around town and not think...what the hell am I doing walking around outside in this???

Whenever I read certain authors, I begin to think in novel-speak. Dictating my movements and observations as though i were reading them in a book.

"I got off the bus and headed down the back way out of the station. I do this because a few weeks ago, I happened to get caught in a conversation with a person who was possibly deranged. I straightened my backback and looked across the street at the vegetarian diner I had visited once after that job interview. The masala dish was exquisitely spicy and it was chilly that day. I headed past the modernish looking post office and stopped to pick up the local queer newspaper, to see if there was a job in there a strapping man such as myself could aquire. Nothing r-rated or above mind you...it's just that if an employer knows a person is gay, eccentricities seem a little less problematic (and I had my share). I stood on that corner. Not really really watching the cars go by so much as the delightfully colorful signs in the shops, wondering where I would go next...oh sure, I'd love to be the guy that's simply taking it casually, but in reality, I was looking for a job and I didn't see anywhere that I could stomach for more than two weeks, so I was just drifting around those sidewalks as though I had nothing better to do. I knew I had to pick up some altar candles...depressing to be out of wax...out of incense, whatever else has to happen to appease the powers that be. Again, I thought of heading down to the local gay bar and just relaxing, but these days, america doesn't tolerate breaks, naps or rest periods of any kind unless one is in pre-school...and I was definitely not in pre-school. Then I started thinking about the nightmares and how they creep...how they shout and spit at you from behind the scenes.

I didn't ask for them. That a nightmare could force you to listen to it was impossible but true. That a nightmare could have a face, a hand gesture or manipulate your mental process from where it sits was still horrifying to me, even after all these years. I don't want them, I thought...I'd just as soon move to a deserted island forever than deal with the insanity for another moment...."

Stuff like that. It's great too, if I read Shakespeare I begin to think in complex rhyme schemes, rap music does the same thing...it's marvelous actually. :)

So here I am in another town, another group of people who may or may not take a shine to me. I've found that being sparkly and half mad is amusing to some people...others have to have their sane little worlds...have to love god and go to church and worship the president and think about the football game and have cheaply made beer and buy guns ...something like that...

It's those places I try to avoid. Hell, that's being a clown in a morgue.

Well...whatever....we'll see.

life and such

man, you wake up in the morning and there's nothing like a decent cup of coffee,
outside that window a brilliant white pavement...no, it's not the fabled "blanket"
this snow is hard and frozen, unforgiving and crunchy
every car that passes by is covered in what we like to call "salt"
but you better...I know better...it stopped being actual salt like 20 yrs ago and maybe it took this long for everyone to catch on
this silly machine allows me to send information all the way across the globe in seconds, get a picture of anything you want, from new tires to what New Years looked like in Beijing 3 years ago. If I wanted to, and had the right credit report, I could use this machine to buy a new house, all the furniture and two dogs to go with it. I could rent a car to get there and have a hot meal waiting for me on the recently purchased kitchen table right at the moment I got there.
I could have the closets full of clothes and the heat and cable on...all by just pressing a few buttons, making a few clicks on the right web sites, all without even seeing the damn house first hand, talking to a single person or making sure, with my own two eyes that the meal was what I ordered...
Does that seem rational to anyone?
I'm not dissing the internet, of course...it's just a little too '1984' for me, you know?

I'm listening to an online radio software/website that has sort of an AI subroutine...so if I tell it I don't like a particular song, it goes back and readjusts itself so it doesn't play any more songs that sound like that....if the music wasn't so great, I think I would be more disturbed at the entire situation.

I've got a coupla pair a jeans that I like, a coupla pair that I don't...but if you've got a job, it's simply expected that one changes one's out-fit @ least every 2 dayz...after all "in america, anything less would be inexcusable"
"we are, after all, the wealthiest nation in the world"
I donno, I don't really buy it, maybe the biggest bully, or the one with the most malls...something a little less grand and lovely sounding....I am positive that the Spirits of ancient Babylon are totally thumbs up on the u.s.a.

me...not so much

I was chatting with someone the other day (again...exchanging info with someone I don't know...) and I was just like...it doesn't seem to be actually changing...queers are still 2nd class citizens, immigrants are more like 3rd class and regardless of ethnicity or social background, if you're disheveled and homeless looking (actually homeless...or even the appearance of such) you might as well be garbage in a back alley (and I've been there too)

It just doesn't seem to be changing...I guess it feels like womyn and people of African descent finally got the right to vote and everyone can still pretty much use the same public bathrooms (if you're quick...or not a transvestite)
But it's like nothings really been done after that...politicians are still this sort of metaphor for criminal, every president we've ever had has been a white/male/christian and that (especially in the last 50 yrs) the u.s. has been militant-socio-economic bully to the rest of the world.

Anyway, I'm not pissed off at anyone in particular, it seems like the only answer is to get the fuqu out...I donno, correct me if I'm wrong, I just feel like every day I spend here sees me walking around, wearing a nametag (to the rest of the world) that says "Hi, I'll be your oppressor today!"

Whatever. I'm just not interested in the lie of "voting"
Personally I know I (we) have absolutely no voice in the u.s. government.
And I know for a fact, I am not speaking merely subjectively.
There's nobody in Washington giving a damn my (our) ideas, they're just stomping their feet and shaking their golden cages and misrepresenting. And the real fuqued up thing is they get on the t.v. and shout about how the american people are listening and watching them (on CSPAN) when the fact is, they're getting yanked around by the corporate sponsors the same way we are...I donno...I'm not interested in the United Corporations of America...I'm just not interested, cause they're not interested in me (us).

Right now, I'm thinking about making some tea, and some dinner of some kind. I got a job starting this coming week, but I'll have to get another one...whatever...I'm more interested in just getting on with my pilgrimage than any of this noise...and it is freekin noizy...lemme tell you.

I met some interesting people on MySpace this week. I dig the networking part.
I'm thinking maybe getting all those people and groups together might make a change...but as you tell, I am not exactly positive about that.

Mostly, I'm gathering GLBT groups and profiles which seem to be spirituality oriented...that's cool. heh! I found this rap song about being Pagan...it's fly/stupid/dope/silly/mad/silly/phat/fresh...wurd...yo...

(well I think I'm pretty fly for a white guy)

yo....


I was reading a book by one Mr. Neil Gaiman and the main character said "the sky was impossibly blue" I liked that.

I saw some ridiculous film from the 80's last night...it had it's artsy points..but for the most part, as a metaphor for life in general, I totally disagreed

Life is wonderful. Magical. and Intangibly Beautiful, Life is ever growing outward...not corroding...Life moves like Water...anything else..is kind of unnatural...eh?

because

I left him because he had no right to do what he's done.

I stayed "with" him because he's dedicated to compassion for all sentient beings.

I left him because how he moves on that belief is euthanasia oriented.

I stayed because he believes in a Goddess. He worships and offers true puja.

I left him because I am not Shiva, not Odin hanging in a tree and he is not Kali, not Fenrir.

I stayed because I saw him help people.

I left because I realized was intentionally harming me...even when he wasn't around.

I hold him up because cultural beliefs are subjective.

To me we've always been theorists. Always philosophers, always thinkers, dealing in hypotheticals.

I left him because I realized exactly what's been going on. (and he wasn't just talking in hypotheticals)


I'm looking for an other, but not him.

So, here's a list...that will never be seen by anyone...apparently, of who I'm looking for;


ISO a 2nd that has no desire for a third

ISO a Goddess worshipper, preferably of Pagan or Shinto orientation

ISO a sub-guy that doesn't particularly care about sex ( can have fun but doesn't place any particular importance on it)

ISO a guy with a tattoo (or multiple tattoos)

ISO a poet, a dreamer, someone who practices benevolence towards all animate beings
(but doesn't view life as suffering)

ISO a guy who believes in Ancestor worship and Nature worship

ISO caucasian/short and round (but isn't requisite)
who isn't attached to anything in particular, practices meditation
not neccesarily goody-goody but practices Harming None.

ISO someone interested in visiting old temples in Asia and not interested in American "culture"

That about sums it up.

I left him.

That's all there is to say.

Why there's no such thing as good and evil.

I'm simply trying to argue the point that there is no dichotomy inherently in anything.
Example; Day & Night.
The immediate perception is that there is such an thing and that each has distinct aspects which are mutually exclusive.The reality is that there is no dichotomy, because it's always night. We just happen to be close enough to one of the stars so that, where we are facing it, we can see no others. Our perception of "day and night" would vary considerably if we were even still as close as Neptune, wherein, even during "the day" we would still be able to see the night sky. :)
Example;
Male and Female.
The immediate perception is that there are two different sexes and that each has distinct aspects which are mutually exclusive.The reality is that there is no dichotomy, because all fetus's begin as female and it takes a slight genetic mutation to cause "maleness" So then what can be considered "male" is actually more like a ring "femaleness" wears on it's hand.
Example;
Life and Death.
The immediate perception is that there are two different states of being wherein each has distinct aspects which are mutually exclusive.
The perception is that there is what we consider "life" what we call "death" cannot possibly be related to one another except by contrast.The reality is that there is no dichotomy, because even though we may experience death personally, by proxy or even witness a mass death (in war or an entire colony of ants getting exterminated, for example) the rest of what we can call "life" continues on unceasingly.There has been no evidence to contradict this point.There has never been a true "ending of all things" and in every moment we see that death is only a small part of life, and that they are not equal in power, form or relevence.

Anyway, I'm not trying to talk you to death, just making a point that's been sorely overlooked for the last 4000 yrs. :) That point is simple; dichotomy is a man made construct, and breaking reality into little parts is a sickness of the mind.

a word on psychology

The "science" of psychology is, in all actuality, a religion.

It has it's priests (the doctors), it's saints, Pavlov,Freud, Jung..etc...
It has a holy text, The DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual)
shrines (doctors offices) temple/schools (National, DePaul and Catholic Universities)
Sinners "those that refuse medication" and saints "those that are committed to getting better"
and even a "god" (the Mind)

The prayers, of course, the confessional, the penances, all wrapped up in a therapy session. :)

Anyway, the point of this outline is to say, using the DSM, one could, if one desired, diagnose literally everyone as having one disorder or another...and in the case of abnormal psychology, the "science of the mind" forgets that, divergent thought...divergent thinkers in other cultures have long been regarded as spiritual leaders, tribe mediators and peacemakers.

Anyway, that's pretty much all I wanted to say...I could go into the concept, but then, rather than truth telling, it would begin to border on self-aggrandation...:)

Thet

a word on paths

There's a lot of ways to travel in life.

A lot of religious beliefs, not to follow, neccesarily...but to walk.

I take the NonTraditional Path, as was taught to me by the Spirits.

Certain aspects of other paths go along very well with Nontradition, other things not so well, and still others, not at all.

Circles, crosses and even closed geometric shapes...not at all.

I was taught that the motion of Nature and the Universe itself move in an outward spiral.

That the Universe (and this is quite provable by science, mind you) is ever expanding, ever changing and growing.

Some paths extol the virtues of sexuality, ie..Tantra...while others practice a sort of hidden agenda in this regard. Personally, while I believe that having a partner (who also practices Ma'at) is quite alright, having a 3rd is unacceptable. In fact, the Nontraditional path is spirituality for spiritualities sake and has nothing whatsoever to do with sex.

In Ancient Egypt, the lay priests were on duty for approx. 3months @ a time, during which they were abstinent and practiced a mostly vegetarian diet. While the High priests, of most sects remained abstinent and vegetarian with the exception of feast days, wherein the animals were offered to the Divine before being consumed.
I'm definitely in favor of what the Japanese call Jii (self relief) I choose to use this word because the greek/roman word "masturbation" means "self pollution" which is just bloody stupid.

The reason for this is quite easily determined. Even then, the governing bodies had already learned that by the idea, by the word, they could suppress peoples natural impulses.
And this I am not at all in favor of....institutionalized sexual repression is a disease. It poisons people from truly enjoying life.

The NonTraditional Path is practiced by intent. Intent matters to the Spirits.
When looking at another religion, I look for @ least 3 things to determine the amount of Water in them;
A. Ancestor worship
B. Nature worship
&
C. Goddess worship

If a path has @ least one of these, then the NonTraditional path can quite gracefully tip it's hat towards them. The more of these things which are practiced, the more Ma'at we can say a belief is.

Ma'at , of course, is the Ancient Egyptian concept of both Truth & Justice. This is a concept which sort of embodies the Buddhist/Hindu concept of both Karma and Dharma. And is not dichotomous in any way.

The Non-Traditional Path acknowledges Goddesses from all cultures, barring only Earth deities and a few specific "divinities" such as the famed "Minoan Snake Goddess"

The NonTraditional Path acknowledges the Spirits as the Ancestors of most cultures, again, barring a few specifics such as Socratic and Post Socratic philosophers. (again with the exception of Thales of Miletus, who taught that the primary element of all things was Water)

The Spirits have taught, for example that the "Virgin Mary" was the true prophet of the christian church and that the churches teaching are absolutely false and poisonous (with the exception that Wine is indeed a sacrament and that Baptism does indeed (with intent) purify the Individual Spirit))

The Non-Traditional Path is, essentially, the worship of Isis as the Supreme Creator, The Great Mother; who is formless (but she's quite fond of her statuary..:) ) Unknowable and Benevolent. Which includes other Goddesses, not because we're hoping to "win everyone over" but to help people understand that the substance of Goddess worship is based on the same principle,
The Water as the foundation of all existence, The Rivers as the supporter of human life.

Water! Life!! Isis!!!