"Woo Hoo! " Back to China!" he thought, sure, it's not Tokyo, but close enough to get there in short order. He wondered if there would ever be a place he could go without being completely surrounded by the nightmare...he wondered silently if, maybe, one of these dayz, they'd just give up , not because of a lack of collective will, but simply out of pure logic. As in, it never made sense to him that the nuprofits could read his thoughts and...after 7 years under constant psychic surveillance that they would not have every piece of information that they could possibly have gathered from his own thoughts, experiences, and history and wouldn't simply come to the conclusion that further propaganda would be unnecessary ...because he simply would not be clear, not be "happy" not be "satisfied"...it simply wasn't in his nature.
There was the issue of the "blossoming" that they loved to propose, which, under the circumstances was impossible. He still felt like he was naked in a glass cage where the nuprofits could simply walk by and hurl fodder at him for no reason other than they were feeling particularly vicious that day....he still felt under attack....and everyone knows that animals don't mate if threatened...and fucking hell if they weren't threatening him 24/7...even while he was asleep, he had to remain lucid so they could not trick him into falling for their dream-traps.
At least he had found that a few of them seemed to sympathize with his plight, and were doing their best to help him externally...but even these friends, he knew, weren't always in complete control of themselves as their consciousnesses were subject to the slipping in and out of others.
and that made every one of them dangerous.
There was an ex-lover, before she become a nuprofit they were engaged to be wed, but he had separated them, simply because he knew he would be an unfit husband. Not, of course, because he was homosexual...that hadn't stopped some of the most brilliant love-affairs in history, but because he felt inherently separated from her and everyone else...his mind was too wild, too unkempt to even imagine holding down a career of the sort that would provide for a family. She was now one of his sympathizers, apparently after some initial "psychic testing" she too saw the Truth in him far outweighed the silly musings of the program.
There was his employer, who had seen fit to keep their relationship professional, had only very infrequently coughed or sniffed in his direction. Always spoke to him politely and rarely used the under-handed speech so common to nuprofits. She also knew the truth of him, the things such as social reciprocation and intelligent conversation would carry the work environment much further than any psychic manipulation could hope.
He actually had several sympaths, certain people from that blessed and awful place where he initially encountered them. Blessed because the land itself was sacred (as evidenced by the several Buddhist monasteries and Ashrams in the locale) Awful because once 'the program' had begun, he felt as though he had entered a terrifying nightmare from which he could not escape.
He knew that there were a multitude of nuprofit children who completely supported his efforts as, despite the programs insistence, he could not practice as the followers of Hariti.
Perhaps a few of his family members, but he still couldn't be sure...the situation there being obscured by what seemed like their attachment to their memories of him.
Strangers were the nuprofits who seemed the most hostile, the most disruptive to his mind...
but the sympathizers had developed the ability, or perhaps just the desire, to see Justice done in his case and weren't about to allow the program to dictate their treatment of him.
They seemed, actually and painfully slowly to be trying to find him a suitable candidate for a second. Painfully, because it always occurred to him that they could read his mind, had been watching him all these years and still seemed to be doing guess work with regards to a mate. (As though he hadn't made himself perfectly 'clear' on his requirements for such a thing to occur)
Which, though the idea of dating one of them made his skin crawl just a bit, if all the requirements were met, he would not mind at all, in fact, it was a requirement of the Spirits that such a thing happen. This is a conundrum of course, as one of the requirements was that his other would indeed be 'from the jungle' still...could he find someone as devotional as was necessary? Could he find someone who would go to the rivers and temples with him to give Ha'ab? Someone who was intelligent and handsome and had no need for a third? Perhaps, more importantly, someone who understood the necessity to do precisely what he had divined even though it may appear erratic or contradictory?
Did he expect anything to change when he got back to China? No. Did he think that suddenly all would be quite on the psychic western front and that these new people would be able to stem the tide of hungry ghosts...not at all. but...there was the issue of him simply moving on with his life.
He had decided a number of years ago, on advice from the Spirits, to move into the world of tattooing...with which he readily agreed. His current occupation, while helping people and easy (because his had developed quite an extraordinary talent over the last 20 years) was not fulfilling. He enjoyed caretaking, but had made a conscious decision to leave the Care-bizness approx. 6 months before he had come into contact with the nuprofits.
It wasn't that he disliked the elderly or the children for whom he cared...after all that would be the antithesis of "care. taking" It was simply that his goals had changed.
Caring for animate beings, in general was amoung the noblest of occupations in his opinion.
(nobler than tattooing, even...:)
He had decided to move in a different direction in a flash, one person with whom he was working had said, "you changed how I view the world" and he knew, in that moment, it was time to move on...that he done what he had sought to do, and all those years of looking after, helping and protecting HAD made a difference, it simply took someone saying it outloud for him to recognize that fact, in full.
He had made a lot of decisions in that short space. A lot of...what do the nuprofits call it?...LOCKS...he wasn't sure...but the idea was when one has life changing events, that mutate the personality in such a way as to be irrevocable.
The silly nightmare continued to try to bring up his past and "hold it up to the light"...heh heh, He laughed sickly in his head, the joke was on them...their "light" was false...akin to the famed rose-colored glasses and more importantly, they were bringing up some one elses past...someone that didn't exist anymore.
He held the Ka of Horus, had always held it actually, but after the Spirits had made him aware of his name, it changed everything, forever.
The silly nuprofits had seriously thought they could "bring him down to size" by hurling his past at him in false means and by making his body respond to external stimuli in ways which were inherently...un-him...while at the same time sending him messages that he was the top of the tops...a very important person...to say the least...but he couldn't buy either side of their story/messages or lifestyle...there was simply no conclusive evidence either way.
Underneath though, he knew the truth...this sort of anti-themness was not just inherent, but also uninteresting to him.
There were moments when he felt as if they were literally trying to bore him to death with their rose-tinted, pseudo-maya-lela.
One day....he thought, as he sighed about being in Asia soon, perhaps one day...
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