Ni Hau! Chapter 4567

"Woo Hoo! " Back to China!" he thought, sure, it's not Tokyo, but close enough to get there in short order. He wondered if there would ever be a place he could go without being completely surrounded by the nightmare...he wondered silently if, maybe, one of these dayz, they'd just give up , not because of a lack of collective will, but simply out of pure logic. As in, it never made sense to him that the nuprofits could read his thoughts and...after 7 years under constant psychic surveillance that they would not have every piece of information that they could possibly have gathered from his own thoughts, experiences, and history and wouldn't simply come to the conclusion that further propaganda would be unnecessary ...because he simply would not be clear, not be "happy" not be "satisfied"...it simply wasn't in his nature.

There was the issue of the "blossoming" that they loved to propose, which, under the circumstances was impossible. He still felt like he was naked in a glass cage where the nuprofits could simply walk by and hurl fodder at him for no reason other than they were feeling particularly vicious that day....he still felt under attack....and everyone knows that animals don't mate if threatened...and fucking hell if they weren't threatening him 24/7...even while he was asleep, he had to remain lucid so they could not trick him into falling for their dream-traps.

At least he had found that a few of them seemed to sympathize with his plight, and were doing their best to help him externally...but even these friends, he knew, weren't always in complete control of themselves as their consciousnesses were subject to the slipping in and out of others.
and that made every one of them dangerous.
There was an ex-lover, before she become a nuprofit they were engaged to be wed, but he had separated them, simply because he knew he would be an unfit husband. Not, of course, because he was homosexual...that hadn't stopped some of the most brilliant love-affairs in history, but because he felt inherently separated from her and everyone else...his mind was too wild, too unkempt to even imagine holding down a career of the sort that would provide for a family. She was now one of his sympathizers, apparently after some initial "psychic testing" she too saw the Truth in him far outweighed the silly musings of the program.
There was his employer, who had seen fit to keep their relationship professional, had only very infrequently coughed or sniffed in his direction. Always spoke to him politely and rarely used the under-handed speech so common to nuprofits. She also knew the truth of him, the things such as social reciprocation and intelligent conversation would carry the work environment much further than any psychic manipulation could hope.
He actually had several sympaths, certain people from that blessed and awful place where he initially encountered them. Blessed because the land itself was sacred (as evidenced by the several Buddhist monasteries and Ashrams in the locale) Awful because once 'the program' had begun, he felt as though he had entered a terrifying nightmare from which he could not escape.
He knew that there were a multitude of nuprofit children who completely supported his efforts as, despite the programs insistence, he could not practice as the followers of Hariti.
Perhaps a few of his family members, but he still couldn't be sure...the situation there being obscured by what seemed like their attachment to their memories of him.

Strangers were the nuprofits who seemed the most hostile, the most disruptive to his mind...

but the sympathizers had developed the ability, or perhaps just the desire, to see Justice done in his case and weren't about to allow the program to dictate their treatment of him.
They seemed, actually and painfully slowly to be trying to find him a suitable candidate for a second. Painfully, because it always occurred to him that they could read his mind, had been watching him all these years and still seemed to be doing guess work with regards to a mate. (As though he hadn't made himself perfectly 'clear' on his requirements for such a thing to occur)
Which, though the idea of dating one of them made his skin crawl just a bit, if all the requirements were met, he would not mind at all, in fact, it was a requirement of the Spirits that such a thing happen. This is a conundrum of course, as one of the requirements was that his other would indeed be 'from the jungle' still...could he find someone as devotional as was necessary? Could he find someone who would go to the rivers and temples with him to give Ha'ab? Someone who was intelligent and handsome and had no need for a third? Perhaps, more importantly, someone who understood the necessity to do precisely what he had divined even though it may appear erratic or contradictory?


Did he expect anything to change when he got back to China? No. Did he think that suddenly all would be quite on the psychic western front and that these new people would be able to stem the tide of hungry ghosts...not at all. but...there was the issue of him simply moving on with his life.
He had decided a number of years ago, on advice from the Spirits, to move into the world of tattooing...with which he readily agreed. His current occupation, while helping people and easy (because his had developed quite an extraordinary talent over the last 20 years) was not fulfilling. He enjoyed caretaking, but had made a conscious decision to leave the Care-bizness approx. 6 months before he had come into contact with the nuprofits.
It wasn't that he disliked the elderly or the children for whom he cared...after all that would be the antithesis of "care. taking" It was simply that his goals had changed.
Caring for animate beings, in general was amoung the noblest of occupations in his opinion.
(nobler than tattooing, even...:)
He had decided to move in a different direction in a flash, one person with whom he was working had said, "you changed how I view the world" and he knew, in that moment, it was time to move on...that he done what he had sought to do, and all those years of looking after, helping and protecting HAD made a difference, it simply took someone saying it outloud for him to recognize that fact, in full.
He had made a lot of decisions in that short space. A lot of...what do the nuprofits call it?...LOCKS...he wasn't sure...but the idea was when one has life changing events, that mutate the personality in such a way as to be irrevocable.

The silly nightmare continued to try to bring up his past and "hold it up to the light"...heh heh, He laughed sickly in his head, the joke was on them...their "light" was false...akin to the famed rose-colored glasses and more importantly, they were bringing up some one elses past...someone that didn't exist anymore.

He held the Ka of Horus, had always held it actually, but after the Spirits had made him aware of his name, it changed everything, forever.

The silly nuprofits had seriously thought they could "bring him down to size" by hurling his past at him in false means and by making his body respond to external stimuli in ways which were inherently...un-him...while at the same time sending him messages that he was the top of the tops...a very important person...to say the least...but he couldn't buy either side of their story/messages or lifestyle...there was simply no conclusive evidence either way.

Underneath though, he knew the truth...this sort of anti-themness was not just inherent, but also uninteresting to him.
There were moments when he felt as if they were literally trying to bore him to death with their rose-tinted, pseudo-maya-lela.

One day....he thought, as he sighed about being in Asia soon, perhaps one day...

since 80,000yrz ago CHAPTER 900

"HA! FUCKERS!!!" he said...whatever they had been cramming down his throat spit back up, all over the fucking place...he didn't even try...it simply wouldn't go down....they were poisonous, their words were poisonous...and their fucking program was the fang delivering the venom.

Joyous Anpa FullMoon

on the purposeful seperation of ritual from occupation

The Spirits teach that, on many occasions, it is important to separate ritual from daily life.

For example, a person might be traditional pagan, but work @ a diner.

If one were in ritual, it would dictate that a person to whom one serves a glass of beer would be one's "chosen" or whatever....but, if one worked in a place that served beer, one would literally be "chosening" all over the damn place.
So it is important to recognize that, while the beer in question might help the customer, it is most certainly NOT ritual in orientation.

Similarly, if one were an Islamic sculptor, one's occupation would be to write the holy scriptures in stone above mosque doorways and the like and technically, that's ritual written magic. However, if the same person were to sign a check, the very motion of writing one's name could be conceived as a ritual movement, but it's not...it's just signing a damn check...

To me, the issue is always creativity for the benevolence of animate beings.
While some creativity is ritual, some is useful, and some is both, creativity is never niether.
If a person can be creative in ritual or in daily life...that's fantastic!
if a person can create for others, that's ritual and useful, but never directive.
It's simply art for the sake of art.

It's also important to note that, while one may be attracted to a particular culture, belief system or mode of being (for a variety of reasons)
If one chooses to use elements from that sphere for others, it is in NO WAY indicative intent. It's simply a base of knowledge.
For example, if a person chooses to study ancient Peruvian culture, perhaps even ascribes to any recorded belief system those old mountain dwellers might have...but, for July 4th, sends pictures of Peru to friends and relatives, this in no way indicates the persons desire for others to hold these beliefs or even appreciate Ancient Peru for what it was...it's simply all the person knows.

Lastly, I'd like to say a little something about fascism.
It's a shame to live in a "society" where one's motivations are constantly in question because one does not adhere to the general "cultural" system.
It's horrifying to have to live amoungst a people that doesn't trust itself enough to TURN OFF THE GODDAMN VIDEO CAMERAs long enough to simply relate to one another in a benevolent way.
I didn't really care too much for America b4, now...with the nuprofits....it's shot to hell....

it's a shame really

that the program is only interested in making a person feel as small as it possibly can.

imagine the advancements in art, science, literature, medicine and technology that could be made if clear was interested in (like a community) supporting it's members to the fullest and making sure that they became the MOST they could possibly be, instead of the least....

it's a shame

the program, unfortunately, has nothing to show that one can't learn by being a devout catholic...apparently

what...you don't want us to do all this to you????

walking alone

the nuprofit nightmare has nothing to offer.

their lovely "togetherness" only applyz if you're part of the club.

fucking fascists.

videeohz chapter 3053

No need for an enemies if the nuprofits are all frendz

ksdufbiu ISO nkdufiwnuerhfuebfiubihde

I went to one of my favorite online bulletin boards

ok...M4M but I'm sort of horrified @ what the culture has become

sub/top, butch/fem, dom/sub ISO blah fucking blah blah fucking blah blah blah

it's all so knowledge oriented...all so stupid and coded and subtle

I'm not interested in anyone who's able to tell me their life story in a series
of 3 letter, monosyllabic net-speak phrases

it's too Double-think, Orwellian for me

I'm not even interested in sex if I can't get to understand a person through
conversation...outloud...in person...face to face....over some mentionable space.

I'm not interested in subtlety, unless I know the person well and I can take it like a joke

I'm not interested in twinx or super-max bears at all.

I'm not interested in people who are cruel, false or disrespectful

(except as animate beings...who all deserve benevolence)

I'm not interested in people who are unjust, decayed , sickly prideful, consciously ignorant.

I'm not interested in people who perpetuate hatred or violence in word or movement.

I'm not interested in people who believe in dichotomy/good and evil or the nazarene as messiach.

I'm not interested in being anyone's Earth god (or goddess)
Nor am I interested in anyone being an Earth deity to me.
(There is no such thing)

I am not interested in Tantra/Yoga (except as stretching relates to overall fitness)

I am not interested in being anyones Husband ( or wife)

I am not interested in the program.



I AM interested in spiritual practice.

I AM interested in people who practice the virtues.

I AM interested in the jungle...the rest of the world...and anyone (including those who have certain of the aforementioned traits who are not part of "the new prophets"


you fucking morons.

New Moon

it aint like in da mooveez

they want a "trinity" (which the Spirits teach is like a spiritual outhouse) (as in NO THIRD EVER)

when they can't even come out with a likely candidate for a second.

(as in "someone that I actually would want to and Do date...in real space...,call on the actual phone, have actual sex with, go out on real dates and GET TO KNOW THEM BY NO OTHER MEANS THAN HUMAN PERCEPTION etc...)

and even if they did...(which is about as likely as me winning a fuquing powerball lottery...as the nightmare just can't seem to keep it's greedy electro-magnetic fingerz out of my mind-pie)

they are apparently trying to enforce some sense of "celibacy equals holiness" thing which is;
A. just plain ignorant &
B. none of their bizness anyway

When they've been put on notice that the Spirits have taught there must be a second AND that that second is an integral part of the prophecy AND that the second must be from the jungle AND be Pagan/Shinto/Buddhist AND have a tattoo AND possess male genitalia

The nightmare seems, if anything, ignorant and disrespectful and false and decayed....

i donno, all in all, they seem kinda fascist and dumb

a little note

If I were reading my blog, I'd think it was a tad incoherent.

Some of things I write here, are this book-esque story which I am not writing but, rather, is simply happening, nightmares daily and otherwise, upon which I'm simply keeping notes....
some of what I'm writing are teachings of the Spirits,

some of what I'm writing are more like an average log...today I went to the store...and such

The way it ties together is that there's this lovely mind-body-nonparadox that I've always had...fortunately, I can keep the details seperated...as in "I always keep my feathers numbered...for just such an emergency"

I like this blog because no one knows about it...pretty much...although...given the nightmares, something might know about it...one can't say for sure.

So a blog might go something like;

today I went to the store to pick up some rice and tofu and wine,
I saw a woman there who gave me the classic 'sniff' and received a message that someone I knew from years ago had something to say to me
the Spirits taught that "thus and so"

I did go to the store, my intent was to pick up rice and such
I did see a woman there...
Later, I did practice divination in which the Spirits taught thus and so regarding said encounter
but the 'message' part is pure nightmare dictation
The nightmare, I think , to which, I shall hereafter refer it; will have it's own "life", it's own say on things, and my observations of the characters within the nightmare (who may or may not be previously known to me) but will be intermingled with my commentary...after all, the nightmare MUST be heard...apparently.
The THEY, them, 'machine people" "clear" etc...will refer to both, the characters in the story as well as the part where they are all being controlled by some horrible rendition of the Hal 9000.

And so I ask the nightmare...Does that make it CLEAR for you? Does that allow the characters to comprehend the absolutely exquisite fragmentation of my mind?

(as well the concept that, the "jungle people"?....aren't part of the nightmare.)

they must desire my suffering...

Chapter 107

They had this thing about them, like "all we want you to do is "give in" to us" and everything will be fine, but, I had this hugely strong suspicion that what actually happens, is you get zapped, and the machine takes away your sense of yourself...like down to, perhaps, an awareness that you exist...and nothing more...takes away all meaning of everything in your life and leaves you with no way to defend yourself, not even an awareness that there are others that will steal parts of you, just to survive...and then you're still suffering, still struggling to survive...just like the Old World, except now, your mistakes are all the time...a machine person could be simply watching t.v. or something, and another, more experienced m.p. could be walking by your house and sense you 'zoning out' and steal or bite or rape or kill you...psychically...

and it's like, I sense...if that's what it's like...and I get that treatment anyway...but you're all doing it to each other all the time, because you have no sense of space...well, then, why not stay separated...on my own


at least out here, I'm free

there are no such things as aliens

content copyright 2006 by JT Bruce unless otherwise noted.

Xemu Kills Kittens!!!

I notPod

The way we distinguish ourselves is by showing our individuality.

Elisa Camahort, We Got Naked, Now What, SXSW 2006

A self that is only differentiated - not integrated - may attain great individual accomplishments, but risks being mired in self-centered egotism. By the same token, a person who self is based exclusively on integration will be well connected and secure, but lack autonomous individuality. Only when a person invests equal amounts of psychic energy in these two processes and avoids both selfishness and conformity is the self likely to relect complexity.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, 1990

How we remember, what we remember and why we remember form the most personal map of our individuality.

Christina Baldwin

Results from Classic Quotes:

All Fords are exactly alike, but no two men are just alike. Every new life is a new thing under the sun; there has never been anything just like it before, never will be again. A young man ought to get that idea about himself; he should look for the single spark of individuality that makes him different from other folks, and develop that for all he is worth. Society and schools may try to iron it out of him; their tendency is to put it all in the same mold, but I say don't let that spark be lost; it is your only real claim to importance.

Henry Ford (1863 - 1947)

Learn to limit yourself, to content yourself with some definite thing, and some definite work; dare to be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not and to believe in your own individuality.

Henri-Frédéric Amiel

It is those who concentrate on but one thing at a time who advance in this world. The great man or woman is the one who never steps outside his or her specialty or foolishly dissipates his or her individuality.

Og Mandino (1923 - 1996)

What we call personality (...) has become the most impersonal thing in the world. Its pale and featureless face appears like a ghost at every corner and in every crowd. ... Individualism kills individuality, precisely because individualism has to be an 'ism' quite as much as Communism or Calvinism. The economic and ethical school which calls itself individualist ended by threatening the world with the flattest and dullest spread of the commonplace. Men, instead of being themselves, set out to find a self to be: a sort of abstract economic self identified with self-interest. But while the self was that of a man, the self-interest was generally that of a class or a trade or even an empire. So far from really remaining a separate self, the man became part of a communal mass of selfishness.
-G. K. Chesterton, February 25, 1928

Womyn's Activist Linx on Motherz Day

Womyn's Linx on Mother's Day

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Sunshine for Women - Links galore! A very large collection of links on many subjects.

because

it stopped being fun when they made it sexual.
it stopped being fun when they made it sexual.
it stopped being fun when they made it sexual.
it stopped being fun when they made it sexual.
it stopped being fun when they made it sexual.
it stopped being fun when they made it sexual.
it stopped being fun when they made it sexual.
it stopped being fun when they made it sexual.
it stopped being fun when they made it sexual.
it stopped being fun when they made it sexual.
it stopped being fun when they made it sexual.

idoisdfhrhiughsdfv

super monkeys and alien porn

Still in Ann Arbor. Nice place, he thought, but no 1000 year old Buddhist temples.

The gay bar had to let him go, he was too relaxed, apparently, not lackadaisical, just relaxed.

Even though the Spirits taught him that the place is as close to a Temple of Sekhmet as modernity will get, with the exception that, someone might actually make a gay bar, dedicate it the Great Lion Goddess, call it something like The Peaceful Lion and put up statues of Her all over the place. As well as little places to make offerings to the effigy of ones choice...That'd be SWEET!

Well, I'm probably going back to China, thank the Goddess.

One thing that clear people can't understand, is that the Spirits can move through them, even though they don't believe.

robotzombiemonsters Chapter 101

They wanted to know why I could simply walk away from people, places, jobs...

I told them...I don't negotiate with fucking terrorists

bully
noun
domineer
annoyer, antagonizer, browbeater, bulldozer, coercer, harrier, hector, insolent, intimidator, oppressor, persecutor, pest, rascal, rowdy, ruffian, showboat*, tease, tormenter, tough

bully

intimidate
bludgeon, bluster, browbeat, buffalo, bulldoze, coerce, cow, despotize, domineer, dragoon, enforce, harass, hector, jackboot, lean on, lord over, menace, oppress, overbear, persecute, push around, ride roughshod*, showboat*, swagger, terrorize, threaten, torment, torture, tyrannize, walk heavy*

annoy, bait, be at, bug, bully, eat*, goad, harass, harry, hassle, heckle, hound, importune, insist on, needle, noodge, pester, plague, ride, tease, torment, work on

badger, bludgeon, bluster, bulldoze*, bully, coerce, cow, despotize, domineer, dragoon, frighten, harass, hector, intimidate, lean on*, nag, oppress, overawe, overbear, threaten, tyrannize

beset, browbeat, bulldoze*, bully, concuss, constrain, cow, dragoon, drive, force, high pressure*, hinder, impel, intimidate, lean on, make, menace, oblige, press, pressurize, push, repress, restrict, shotgun*, strong-arm, suppress, terrorize, threaten, urge

abash, appall, awe, bludgeon, bluster, browbeat, buffalo, bulldoze, bully, daunt, discomfit, disconcert, dishearten, dismay, dragoon, embarrass, faze, frighten, hector, lean on*, overawe, push around*, rattle, scare, showboat*, strong-arm*, subdue, terrorize, unnerve, walk heavy*

abash, afflict, alarm, appall, awe, beat down, bother, bully, cast down, chill, confuse, cow, damp, dampen, dash, daunt, deject, demoralize, deprecate, depress, dismay, disparage, dispirit, distress, droop, frighten, intimidate, irk, overawe, prostrate, repress, scare, trouble, try, unnerve, vex, warn, weigh

bend, bluster, boss around*, browbeat, bulldoze*, bully*, dominate, hector, henpeck*, intimidate, kick around*, menace, overbear, predominate, preponderate, prevail, pussy whip, reign, ride roughshod, rule, run things*, swagger, threaten, tyrannize

blackmail, bleed*, bully, clip, coerce, demand, educe, elicit, evince, exact, extract, fleece, force, get, gouge, hold up*, ice*, milk*, obtain, pinch, screw, secure, shake down*, skin*, soak, squeeze, stick, sting,